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The Marauders will give their advice. Well try to.

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[Tuesday the 14th, 01:08pm]

Happy Valentine's Day.

Padfoot: Moony, you've got something special planned for your Valentine haven't you? :wink, wink, nudge, nudge:

Lupin: Of course I have Sirius, have you?

Padfoot: Well. My Valentine will just have to come and find out won't you they?

Eurgh. Valentine's Day is commercial and overrated.

Potter: If this was Christmas you'd be saying "Bah, humbug" about now wouldn't you?

Of course. Today being the extremely special day it is I choose to say "Bah, candy".

Potter: That's doesn't ave the same ring to it.

You couldn't do any better could you, hmmm funny-man?

Potter: Not at all. :cough: Besides I don;t want to steal your thunder.

Where's Wormtail?

Potter: I think he went to send someone a Valentine's card.

And just whom is he sending that to? Wait. He isn't? Please tell me isn't.

Potter: He is.

She is not going to like it. Seriously, he will come back with more than his ego bruised.

Potter: Narcissa Malfoy. I think he's sending it to her.

Oh. Well we were thinking of two completely different people. I thought he was sending it to Bellatrix.

Potter: Ahem. I can just see that happening:

"Bellatrix: Get off me you vile, dis- CRUCIO!"

Padfoot: Have a nice day everyone, I know we will, eh Moony?

Moony: :shuffles: Ahem. Yes have a pleasant day.
6 || Toil and trouble

[Sunday the 29th, 11:28am]

Dear Marauders,

Why are boys, yourselves included, such obnoxious prats? Especially brothers. They expect their sister to remain celibate until marriage just because they haven't even been kissed. Mothers too. I am not a child. Oh and another person, let's call her 'Phlegm' for now, she thinks she is God's gift because her grandmother is a Veela. Seriously, try using that peanut-sized thing in your head called a BRAIN! My brother could do much better.



Padfoot: PMS, no?

You don't even know what PMS means, dolt.

Padfoot: Yes I do. Pissed-[at]-Men-[and]-Shit.

If I wasn't a Muggle I would Crucio you on the spot.

Padfoot: But you are a Muggle, therefore there isn't much you can do.

I have a knee. You have a crotch.

Padfoot: Uh. I'm just going... for a walk.

I suggest you answer the letter.

Lupin: Tell your brother that you have the right to do what you want. As for your mother, it's her maternal instinct.

Prongs: Ah Moony, always the voice of reason.

Lupin: I try my best.

Prongs: I found a picture of Peter the other day. When he was a first year. It scared me.

That isn't hard to believe.


Padfoot: We're not going to answer all the comment we receive because we are too lazy we get so many. And it is hard to answer EVERYONE SINGLE ONE OF THEM! Ah. The price of popularity.

:rolls eyes:

Prongs: Now, we give you the honour of Peter's school photo!

Oh, joy. How generous Potter.

Prongs: I know, I know.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Click on it.


Prongs: Why do you have Snivellus as your display picture?

Because I want to promote cupcakes that have Snape's head in sugar paper on them

Padfoot: Seriously?!

14 || Toil and trouble

[Sunday the 8th, 03:48pm]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Pink: Me. (Ew)

Red: James.

Blue: Padfoot.

Green: Lupin.

Yellow: Pettigrew.


Word association game, ask us a word and we'll tell you the first thing that pops into ours heads.
76 || Toil and trouble

[Monday the 19th, 07:41pm]

Happy Holidays and-

Padfoot: We're going on hiatus! Until next year.

You stole my line

Prongs: Have a good season,

Lupin: And a a happy new year.

Padfoot: Remember mistletoe. It is a weapon. Use it wisely. Eh eh Remus?


34 || Toil and trouble

[Sunday the 11th, 11:18am]

Padfoot: Why?!

Prongs: Do we have to?


Lupin: Fine.

All: Friend the community dearsnape because Amy wants to know what the letter said.

Padfoot: Happy?

Lupin: I can't believe you made us degrade ourselves like that.

Believe it

Padfoot: Since when did we appoint you the boss?

Wormtail: Yeah!

I appointed myself actually.

Prongs: Well you're not.

Should I leave then?

Padfoot: NO!

Ha! You need me. Who else is going to stop all the 'fangirls'?

Lupin: Point taken.
16 || Toil and trouble

[Friday the 9th, 06:57pm]

Dear Marauders,

Whatever I do isn't good enough for my Lord. I do everything within my power to prove my worth but he just ignores me. My husband is now in Azkaban and I think now is the chance to tell Him how I really feel. Perhaps I should crucio a few muggles just to please him if all goes wrong? What do you think?

Ex-black, loyal Death Eater

Padfoot: BITCH!


::All gasp::

Padfoot: You agreed with me!

Erm well...

Prongs: Sssh! I'm writing this down, for future reference.

God, don't read too much into it! She did push you into eternal darkness.

Padfoot: But you agreed with me.

I thought we had already established that?

Lupin: What was this doing in the kitchen? :holds up letter:

Prongs: What does it say?

::grabs note:: Nothing. At all.

Lupin: You promised! You swore that you would never, ever, ever do it again!

Shut up! You said you wouldn't say anything.

Lupin: And you said you wouldn't write to him any more. He's a Death Eater, in case you didn't notice.

Really? I thought he was a fluffy rabbit.


::storms out of room::

::All look at Lupin::

Lupin: Ask her.

::Pokes head round door:: If you must know, I was helping Narcissa get in contact with him! Ok? Happy now? Finished suspecting me for everything? HAVE YOU?! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SNEAKING AROUND IT DOESN'T MEAN WE ALL ARE.

Lupin: Amy, I'm sorry! Don't tell th-

Tell them what?

Lupin: Nothing. ::whispers:: Thanks.

Piss off.

Prongs: Erm what just happened?

Padfoot: I think it's her time of the month.

I heard that

Both: RUN!


Padfoot: Hi to all my fans out there, who happen to read this just because of m-

Prongs: Sirius, you know they read it because of me.

Padfoot: I don't think so James m'boy, you see I'm the one with the sex appeal.


Lupin: What they're trying to say is thank you for reading this. That is what they're trying to say.
41 || Toil and trouble

[Saturday the 3rd, 06:22pm]

Dear Marauders,

It's nearly Christmas, and I have not a clue as to what gift would suit my boyfriend. I have thought long and hard about what to get him, however I am at a loss. I want to show him that I love him but without becoming too possessive. I thought about giving some flea-repellent or a bone/chew toy.

Clueless were-boy.


I thought I told you not to write for advice FROM YOURSELF?!

Lupin: To whom was that question directed?

You! Really I thought you were more intelligent than this! :points to letter:

Lupin: Where is your evidential proof?

In my hand. We all know your boyfriend is Black!

Padfoot: I thought I granted you the privilege to call me Sirius.

Prongs: ...

Prongs: Did I miss something here?

19 || Toil and trouble

[Friday the 2nd, 06:15pm]

Dear Marauders

OMGZ! U iz al lke soo sexy! OMg y did Serious and Jmes die? Serious is wl sexy e is lke da bst EVAH! OMG! Wormtail dat iz lke SO tight of you lke! Lupes, i wl luv werewolves i mn ther wl gd i mn it mst b wl fn lke to chnge in2 1 lke. OMGZ! I wsh i cd mt u al cept Wormtail myb i dnt lke im v. mch bcoz e is a btryer. OMG! luv ya all like wll lds! Mwa

Seriously in luv, lke.

Oh gawd

Padfoot: :smirks: Ahh just one billionth of my female following.

Lupin: She didn't even spell your name correctly, Serious, honestly.

Who says it's a she?

Prongs: I can't read it. Can anyone possibly decipher it for me?


Prongs: :Rolls eyes:

Lupin: My guess is:

Oh my god(z)! You is all so sexy! Oh my god why did Sirius and James die? Sirius is well sexy he is like the best ever! Wormtail that is like so tight of you, like! Lupin, I well love werewolves I mean they're well good, I mean it must be well fun to change into one, like. Oh my god (z)! I wish I could meet you all except Wormtail maybe, I don't like him very much because he is a betrayer. Oh my god! Love you all well loads! (I interpret this as a kiss)

Seriously in love, like.

Lupin: :shudder:


Lupin: I was just thinking who this could be from.

No clue whatsoever, Lupes

Padfoot: I wouldn't mind meeting her actually.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

Wormtail: S-s-she hates me

I wouldn't read too much into it.
2 || Toil and trouble

[Wednesday the 30th, 07:44am]

Dear Marauders,

I think I am head over-heels in love with a group (4) of boys. Just the way they are supremely cool, and show other people who're boss. ::swoon::

Also do you know where you can buy thongs? My old greying bloomers are getting worn out!

Snivellus Hook-nosed Professor.

Prongs: Amy, I applaud you.

What can I say?

Padfoot: Well, hook-nosed, sour-faced, sallow-skinned, greasy-haired, milk-bottle Professor, I suggest you buy one of those thongs with pink fluff on. As to where you find them I don't know.

What should he do with the group of boys that he's fallen in love with?

Prongs: Stop stalking them. Stop insulting them. And never, ever EVER come on to them. EVER.

Lupin: Sell those pictures to the press and I'll get Skeeter to have a one to one interview with Pettigrew, so he can reveal ALL.

Do it anyway!
6 || Toil and trouble

[Tuesday the 29th, 07:26pm]

Dear Marauders,

There's this girl I want to ask to the Yule ball, but I'm just too damn nervous! Why do they have to go around in packs then giggle like hyenas?!

Boy-Who-Needs a date


Lupin: This one sounds like you James.

Prongs: Does not! I would get a girl to go with me :clicks fingers: just like that.

Hem, hem

Padfoot: And the toad-like bitch of a headteacher award goes to Amy! Come forward to accept your prize!

SO mature

Padfoot: Would it be mature to say that I have fleas.


Wormtail: Hey Sirius! S-so do I!

::rolls eyes::
Toil and trouble

[Monday the 28th, 04:50pm]

Dear Marauders,

This group of Slytherins have been bullying me to try and do something terrible, sell out my best friends. I don't want to do it, but they'll kill me otherwise! What should I do?

Panicky Rodent


Padfoot: Ooh tough one.

Wormtail: ::shuffles uneasily, remains silent::

Prongs: You're right Sirius.

Lupin: If there is no other compromise then...

Padfoot: Die for them! As they, I'm sure, would do for you!

Lupin: You should realise, Panicky Rodent, that if they didn't kill you, then your friends would, together

Could we make it any more obvious?

James: Probably not.
3 || Toil and trouble

[Sunday the 27th, 06:17pm]

Dear Marauders,

I have recently fallen for my friend. The only problem is that he's a man. And so am I. What should I do?

Pure-blood Pimp

P.s. I enjoy cross-dressing too.


That's from Lucius isn't it.

Lupin: Yes.

I knew it! Cross-dresser AND gay! Who's this other man then...

Padfoot: My guess is on Snivellus.

Well give some advice then, after all Sirius and Lupin, you two should be experts on this subject.

Lupin: I have no idea what you're talking about. :blush:


Padfoot: Shut up.

Moony and Padfoot up a tree

Lupin: Shut up already.

::sings:: K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Padfoot: I am not gay, woman! ::lunges forward:: SEE!

::gasps for breath:: Get off me you idiot!

Padfoot: Happy?

Yeh. Ecstatic. You bent dog.

Lupin: That was painful to watch.

Padfoot: I'm sorry Remus, I had to shut her up.

Lupin: What I meant was that it was painful to watch. You looked like you were sucking her soul away. *cough* Dementor.

Padfoot: I find that offensive Remus.


Padfoot: What are you laughing at?

::choking:: Y-you've become one of THEM!

Padfoot: That was very witty of you. How I applaud your witticism.

::bows:: So, when are you to going public?

Lupin: Try, never.

So you admit it then?

Lupin: Well, I, err, no.

Prongs: So that's what you were doing when you said you were just 'doing each others ties.'
8 || Toil and trouble

[Saturday the 26th, 08:27pm]

Dear Marauders,

How do you get rid of someone that won't leave you alone? No matter how many times I insult him or threaten to hex him, his fat head follows me around wherever I go. Trying to be it with his hair all ruffled and playing with that goddamn snitch that he stole from the quidditch cupboard. Grrr, he just gets under my skin.

Green-Eyed Girl


Padfoot: ...well...I...er...

Wormtail: :shuffles:

Lupin: :clears throat:



:banging door:

Lupin: Well, Green-Eyed Girl, perhaps you shouldn't be so hard on this 'fat-head' perhaps he likes you but isn't too good on showing his feelings...

Padfoot: Yeh, this anonymous person probably only nicked the snitch because one of his mates dared him to. Maybe.

I think I'll go find James

Lupin: No, let him cool off a bit.

Wormtail: Umm...I...er...what's the matter with James?

2 || Toil and trouble

[Friday the 25th, 08:50pm]

Dear Marauders,

There's a girl I like... I'm a Slytherin but she's a Gryffindor. I really like her, but I don't think she even knows I exist. Also an intolerable boy has made it impossible for me to walk anywhere without getting jinxed. How do I speak to this girl? And do I dispose of this dung beetle? It's not my fault that my hair becomes greasy after leaning over a cauldron all day.

Potions Prince


Prongs: Go wash your underwear Snive- Potions Prince. And keep your filthy hands off the Gryffindor girl.

Shut up James. Don't be so nasty.

Prongs: Well why don't you go and make HIM write this advice column if you're so in love with the greaseball!

You don't know what you're talking about

Prongs: I saw you yesterday. Staring at him, it's disgusting.

I wasn't! Anyway what were you doing? Spying on me? Lily turned you down again did she?

Prongs: At least Lily knows I exist!

::runs from room, sobbing::



Sirius: Harsh, James, harsh.

Prongs: Piss off.
2 || Toil and trouble

[Friday the 25th, 04:38pm]

Dear Marauders,

Someone has recently stolen a map from my private office and I need to know it's whereabouts. I've informed the headmaster and he doesn't take in a word I say. How do I get people to listen to me? Umbridge was the only teacher that took in what I said about bringing back the old punishments. What should I do?

Crabby Caretaker.

Padfoot: Leave the school. Leave the country.

:elbow: Helpful information.

Padfoot: Don't elbow me woman!

James: *huff*

Padfoot: Still upset ickle Jamesikins?

James: Shut up.

Perhaps we can get back on topic? I didn;t get you to write this for nothing you know.

Lupin: I agree with Sirius, resign in protest.

So much for the being the sensible one

Wormtail: Or, y-y-ou could just keep quiet!

Padfoot: Yeh, that's a GREAT suggestion. Just leave the school, obviously no-one wants you there.

:Gives up:
1 || Toil and trouble

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